The Choice
by Thistliath
Summary: Tobias is rapidly running out of time and he has to make a tough decision: face life without Rachel as a man or die as a bird.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm discounting the last 60 pages of The Beginning. **

CHAPTER 1

I'm Tobias and I'm an alcoholic.

Sorry, I'd always wanted to say that for some reason.

Actually, I'm a red-tailed hawk. That _wasn't_ a joke, believe it or not.

It's a really long story and I honestly don't have the energy to tell it. Just know this: I'm a twenty-three-year-old man inhabiting the body of a red-tailed hawk that's probably pushing twenty. And that's really old for those guys.

A chilly, overcast spring afternoon found me perched lethargically on a low branch of my favourite tree in the meadow I called home. Other birds were twittering to each other, most likely complaining about the weather. The stream that passed through my meadow was gurgling happily, swollen from recent rains. A mouse was cautiously poking his twitching nose out of his burrow.

I eyed him with some interest as his plump little body slowly emerged from his home. The hawk part of me was interested, anyway. It had been too long since his last meal and he was desperate to eat. But he was old and tired, and weak from hunger. And the human part of me just didn't care.

I turned my back on Mr. Mouse. He could be someone else's dinner.

I dozed off, ignoring the hunger gnawing at my insides.

_It was a hot, sunny day in midsummer. Rachel and I were sitting in the grass of my meadow with our bare feet dangling in the stream. She was holding my hand and smiling at me, and I was more than happy – I was home. _

_I tentatively touched her chin with my fingers. Then I leaned over and pressed my lips against hers. Before I could pull back she kissed me more forcefully. My arms encircled her waist. Her fingers explored my hair. _

_I drew back, my eyes filled with tears of joy. A small part of me knew I should be embarrassed, but I was with Rachel. She was my love. My happiness. My everything. My only. She was someone I didn't deserve, and she was greater than my wildest dreams. She didn't care if I cried. _

_I held her at arm's length so that I could stare at her face. I could've stared forever. _

"_I love you," I murmured, my heart so full it could've exploded. _

"_And I love you," she replied. She leaned forward and kissed me. I could feel her smile on my lips._

"_I'm scared, Rachel," I said, stroking her hair. _

"_Why?" Rachel asked softly, her face still pressed against mine. _

"_I can't lose you, Rachel. I think I'll die without you. I have nothing else." _

"_Hey, let's enjoy our time together, okay? There's plenty of time to be sad."_

_Rachel shifted so that she was leaning against me, her head resting on my shoulder. I held her tight, like I'd never let her go. _


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

I jerked awake, blinking in bewilderment. How long had I been asleep?

The sun was just beginning to rise in a cold, purple sky, and I was alone again, ensconced in the hawk's body and perched on my usual branch. I was flooded with a sense of loss that would have torn apart my fragile human heart.

But losing Rachel meant nothing to the hawk. I took refuge in his indifference, letting him protect me.

I drifted off again, locked in a sluggish state between sleeping and waking. Visions of Rachel swam before my eyes: Rachel fighting in her grizzly bear morph . . . Rachel soaring beside me as a bald eagle . . . Rachel laughing at some stupid thing Marco said. A part of me wanted to escape from the reel of images – another part of me wanted to be cocooned in them.

Claws scratching on bark jolted me from my stupor. I glanced toward the trunk of the tree just as a raccoon clambered clumsily onto my branch, his black, beady eyes gleaming with hunger. He was giving me the exact same look Ax would give a platter of fresh cinnamon buns.

Uh oh.

The raccoon waddled down the branch toward me with obvious intentions. I hopped away awkwardly on stiff legs.

((Crap, crap, crap!)) I said to no one in particular.

I hopped to the end of the branch as quickly as my little bird legs would carry me and tentatively spread my aching wings. I steeled myself. I shifted my weight forward. Then I slipped off the branch and into the chilly morning air.

I forced my protesting wings to spread further, willing them to catch a breeze so I could soar off into the brightening sky. But the air was still . . . my reactions slow . . . my body weak. My wings fluttered ineffectually, until –

THUNK!

I hit the ground with a jarring thud that rattled my bones and knocked the air from my lungs.

Ten feet above me, the raccoon peered down at my prone form. Then he launched himself into the air after me.

THUD!

He hit the ground waddling.

My heart raced with fear, but I was too tired to run and too tired to fight. I lay on my back like the pathetic creature I'd always been.

The raccoon grabbed me with his dexterous little hands and pinned me to the ground with his bulk. I knew how raccoons worked, so, trembling like a coward, I waited for him to bite my head off.

Instead, he tucked into my chest.

The pain was incredible. I shrieked and flapped my wings frantically.

He bit into my chest again, ripping eagerly through feathers, skin, and muscle in his search for my organs.

Before long the grass was stained with my blood, and what little strength I had left was rapidly waning. I stopped struggling and submitted to the raccoon's burrowing teeth. I was fading fast, slipping out my body. The pain was becoming more distant, replaced with sweet, soothing relief.

I was going to Rachel now – her soft lips . . . her gentle touch . . . her loving eyes. I would no longer be alone. And the pain and exhaustion would finally be gone.


End file.
